Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Perasan

Sikap perasan ini kadang kadang bagus dan kadang kadang menjengkelkan.
Tapi kalau tak perasan yang diri tu perasan, mana nak perasan yang ia menjengkilkan.

Aku suka pandang cermin. Tengok six pax! Puas hati!!! orang cakap. Budaya tengok cermin ni, aku dapat selepas aku baca artikel Afdlin Shauki lebih kurang sepuluh tahun lepas dalam majalah Utopia. 'When I look in the mirror, i dont see someone fat, i look at someone beautiful' katanya.

Kira okeyla, seperasan aku pun, aku tak ada lah brag pasal relationship aku dalam blog ni. Promote relationship and tunjuk keretakan dan kebahagiaan hidup dalam blog. Lepas tu condemn manusia yang satu spesies denganya. Kalau dalam FB lagi mual. Tapi tak apa, aku tak ada tanggapan negatif pun terhadap mereka ni. It's their right, why should we care on the first place. Macam mat rempit selalu cakap, "Telur gua tak senak, lu tak jentik telur gua, gua tak kacau telur lu".

Kalau cerita pasal perasan ni banyak sebenarnya. So aku ingat, akan ada entri entri akan datang yang cerita berkisar kepada peristiwa perasan. Sebab kalau aku cerita pasal perasan dekat sini, dah boleh jadi novel. Mungkin aku akan olah cerita cerita perasan ni, kepada bentuk cerpen, letak nama panjang panjang pada watak yang berbunyi arab sampai lidah bergulung nak sebut. Of course, bukan nama sebenar.

Saja aku membebel pada malam yang sepi lagi sejuk ni, sebab for instance, on a blink of an eye, i finally knew what i want in life.


p/s: Tahun ni tak merasa winter, duduk dalam air cond sajalah ahahahahhaha

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Kashmir Association of Naan Specialist.

"Naan sini la paling sedap" aku bercakap sambil mulut penuh.

Aku peduli apa. Bukan dekat depan aku ada Ana Rafali pun. Kalau ada pun, aku tak kisah pun sebab aku tak minat Ana Rafali, Si Botak Jim yang minat.

"Dia buat Naan dengan penuh kemas. Tengok cara dia buat Naan ni, pro!!! Kau tengok cara dia potong,ketelitian dia! " Budak Perut Biru memberi justifikasi.

Pemerhatian Budak Perut Biru memang hebat dan harus diakui selalunya betul. Daripada seorang akauntan, aku rasa Budak Perut Biru lagi sesuai jadi pundit bola sepak. Ulasan dia seratus kali lagi bagus daripada mamat lahir di Liverpool. Tapi sayang dia dah lama tak update blog. Malas la tu, ataupun kecewa dengan kegagalan team sendiri? Yang biru, merah, belang merah,putih, hitam, semuanya macam mengundang kecewa. Tapi aku tahu, dia tak akan berjalan seorang.

"Aku rasa dia ada qualification..Kashmir Association of Naan Specialist (KANS). Mesti lama dia belajar nak buat roti ni" aku cuba buat lawak selamba.

Masa tu aku rasa kelakar. Sekarang tak kelakar pulak.

Mamak si pembuat Naan yang digemari aku sudah tidak ada. Mungkin dia ke tempat lain. Offer daripada bukan mamak lagi bagus kot.

Pembuat Naan dekat kedai mamak sudah tak rare. Gaji mesti tak banyak. Mungkin dia sudah lari pergi kedai Seafood Nong & Jimmy. Makan Naan dengan udang bakar baru rare.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Uncle Nathan

"Kiddo, get married yo, have a girlfriend" the old man told me

"they are pain in the ass, in fact i was thinking to be like you, uncle" my solid and confident responce which made him giggle. I wonder why.

"if you turned out to be like me, you wont feel complete. There is always some space to fill in," and he paused.

"it is a good feeling to go home, to have reason to go home, to have someone to keep you company,and to know that you are complete," he smiled while shooting bullets through my brain.

"yeah, they are a pain in the ass, they play hard to get, annoying, but you know what, young man, they are not perfect, and their imperfection will complete you, isnt that right?" smoothly and fluently the advice came out, and it was like he is somekind of a preacher or something.

I couldnt come up with any other points to deny what he said, as it is very true, and i have to embrace the fact that i lost the debate. We laughed and continue our routine.

*****************

Uncle Nathan is an old man i met at the gym. His time at the gym is usually from 6 to 8 p.m.
Since recently i opted to work out during lunch time, we never meet again.

He is diabetic, so he push himself hard at the gym everyday for his love towards food and bir.

I was focusing on the treadmill, i tried to push myself to the limit that day that left me panting and screaming like a mad man. Sometimes i kept on reciting the verses from A7X, screaming Save me. I had no idea that it was so loud and annoying as i put my earphone and all i could hear was M Shadow cursing, cursing, cursing with art, beautiful and graceful.

After a while I realised someone beside me smiling and cheered for me. "Go Mok, you can do this" i was puzzled, it must be a mistake. I heard it wrongly. So i remove the earphone and yeah he was cheering for me. What the hell? This is weird. How could he possibly knew my name.

It turned out that i wore a jersey with my name on it.

That is how we knew each other.

I once asked him about kids and wife. and it turned out that he is a bachelor which led to the conversation above in the introductory para.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

dOnUt KeCiL DoNuT BeSar 2

Aku tersenyum sendirian. Kenangan lalu memang sukar dilupakan. Umpama wayang satu persatu bermain dalam kepala aku. Aku terus termenung.

Sofa malas tempat aku mengadu. Tempat aku mengomel di kala sakit belakang semakin menjadi jadi. Aku bingkas bangun dengan hanya bertuala dan badan yang sasa, ke laman rumah untuk menyapu daun.

"Daddy, tak payah la keluar rumah sapu daun,dah tak ada apa lagi nak disapu" anak aku dari dapur meberi peringatan keras.

"aku bukan apa, aku bosan, biar aku main dengan penyapu" dengan degil aku menjawab. Jawapan mesti tegas dan keras. Baru anak anak tunduk.

"Elie ada buat donut untuk Daddy" anak aku tak nak kalah debat

Aku berjalan dengan penuh gaya ke meja makan. Duduk sambil tunggu donut sampai.

Zaman sekarang, tahun 2059, mana ada orang jual donut tepi jalan. Donut pun dah jadi agen kapitalis. Semuanya sebab Freemason.

*********

Tahun 2010, semua orang paranoid tentang Freemason. Segala bentuk bersegi dikaitkan dengan freemason dan Yahudi. Dakyah nak menghancurkan umat akhir zaman.

Selain paranoid dengan Freemason, mereka juga taksub dengan logo Halal. Asalkan sumber itu datang daripada kelompok yang bukan sebangsa dan seagama, haramlah jadinya. Maka ayam sembelih pun jadi babi. Itu hal lain.

Oleh sebab dua faktor ini, Kerajaan yang akur dengan ketakutan, kerisauan, dan kebodohan umat manusia, turut terpaksa menjadi bodoh demi mendapat undi dalam pilihanraya.

Pengharaman bentuk bersegi semakin menjadi jadi. Semuanya harus bulat, bulan dan bintang. Maka kuih samosa diharamkan sama sekali. Jatuh haram Kuih Samosa yang intinya halal kalau dilipat segi tiga kerana dikatakan mencontohi simbol Mason.

Oleh sebab itu Donut jadi kuih utama. Permintaan yang melampau dengan tenaga mahir yang kurang, menyebabkan harga donut melambung.

Saiz yang dijual semakin kecil dan semakin mahal. Keria dan Donut kembali bersatu. Sebangsa.

Donat kecil Donat Besar

Aku tak tahu kenapa, setiap kali aku nampak Jamilah dekat tepi jalan jual donut, aku menggigil. Kayuhan basikal aku semakin laju menghampiri Jamilah.

Jamilah, anak dara Pak Husin tak ada lah cantik mana. Setakat muka ala ala Lisa Surihani dengan bentuk badan ala ala Scarlett Johansson. Bukan aku nak pandang sangat pun. Mak dia dulu bekas Supermodel. Aku tak tahu sejauh mana kebenaran Supermodel ni. Aku tak pernah dengar pula, era 80-an ada pertandingan model ala ala America’s Next Top Model. Mungkin emak dia sezaman dengan Ms Tweedy.

Apa yang membuatkan aku berkayuh laju sampai menitik nitik peluh membasahi pipi, sambil kaki menggigil kalau bukan sebab dia anak dara pingitan yang cantik? (bukan pada mata aku, semestinya) Jawapanya ada pada Donut.

Donut bukan keria. Keria adalah Donut yang bertukar bangsa menjadi melayu. Nilai nilai barat yang dibawa ke timur. Modifikasi. Tapi cerita ini tentang donut. Bukan keria. Ya, Jamilah juga jual keria. Apam pun ada.

“kuih donut besar 3 biji RM2” sapa Jamilah sambil dihulurnya kepadaku plastik merah berisi Donut.

“Jangan makan banyak sangat donut, nanti kena potong kaki” Jamilah cuba beramah mesra.

“saya nak makan dengan anak Yatim” Balas aku sambil tersenyum sinis lalu beredar dari situ.

Tak semena mena angin ribut melanda memukul rambutku, Aku lihat sekeliling, tak ada apa yang berlaku pada mereka. Kenapa angin ini menyerangku? Bagaikan ada suatu aura, lantas, aku panjat naik basikal dengan penuh gaya. Mula mengayuh dan rantai tercabut. Namun aku tenang, Hero mesti tenang dan menang. Aku tolak basikal balik ke rumah yang jaraknya tak sampai 10 kangkang manusia.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I run...

i run almost everyday....
runaway from problems runaway from stress
runaway from commitment

every chances i got i run....
i believe i could have cover the whole world if i sum up the distance.....

physically..... i run almost everyday...unlike the metaphore, sometimes i walk..and then i run...

today i ran again..like usual....fast.......but then i somehow didnt have the energy to go on..so i tuned down a lil bit....

i was scared....and i run..i was devastated, i run again.....

what keeps me going? it is just that when i run, everything else starts to make sense again.

i dont care if i live in a life full of lies....no..that's a lie....i lie all the time.....

and when people run away from me, i kept on running..and i was hoping someday we will somehow...i dont know how to say this...but the quote may our path cross again is distinct in my ears now. It is like someone is whispering.....

When will this end?


I dont do it for pleasure, i do it for the pain -Lance Armstrong

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Mimpi Yang Sempurna Bukan Peter Porn!!!!

Honestly waking up in the morning is often the hardest part of my day. Especially when me and Scarlet Johannson is on the way to make love, when she hold my head and i was kissing every inch of her and about to reach her breast when she suddenly vibrate and keep on shaking my head. I wonder why.

The next thing i knew, it always end up with my mobile phone besides me, shaking and forcing me to wake up and leave my dream. Wet dream.

I had this kind of conversation with my friend about this kind of dream. How can we adjust the timing, make it earlier and how to be in control of our own dream. To never interrupt the love making process.

Back then during my school days, one of my senior, he seems to have this kind of ability to control his own dream. A Kelantanese. A tall and dark boy who bragged a lot. One word that i could still recall was "ko, kalu mu nok raser sek pun bulih, masa tido mung pakso jaga, dale mimpi mung tampar tampar muko mung sampei bangun dale mimpi tuh, lepas tuh, mung dh kawa mimpi mung buak la apo pun, mu nok rome siti pung buleh"

sorry, this aint the exact word he uttered, but some points are there. Yeah, Kelantanese and bragging.

So, as expected, as a young boy, a kiddo, a young taiko, i tried that every time before i went to bed.
Focus, think of what you want, and focus.....

I failed on every attempt. It always end up, i woke up late under my bed. Seriously..under.... beneath.....was trying to escape from my obligation as a student to go to the Surau and pray.
If everything's fucked up, i'll end up with a giant slap on my face, or even worse, 'Jalan Itik pusing asrama 5 round'.....If it wasnt the punishment received from the wardens, it would be from the form 5 kids. That is just how they toughen you up at the boarding school. Try that on kids nowadays and you'll end up in jail. Seriously.

Back to the topic..... so, last few days, i asked my roommate the same question, could we control our own dream. And from his theory, he confidently explained that we can, but we cant change the setting.

I dare not to try. Imagine if i try................i'll woke up late and stuck on my way to the lrt station for 30 minutes and that could cost me hours of quality time at the office. Most importantly i may have to sacrifice my smoking break which i think among the best part of my life in the office. I'll end up with stress and disorganized. I love that. It's a challenge. Each time i survived, i felt more alive. But i only love the ending, never once did i say i love the whole process. Still whatever the outcome, i wouldnt dare trying.

Everyone has a dream. Each and everyone of the human race.

For me, the only dream i think i can control, is life. Focus, think of what i want most, think hard, focus and of course work on it.....

i had a dream, a beautiful one,
i have my own house, not too big. Just nice for me and the loved ones.
and we laugh together in the house
and we fight and argue in the kitchen
where i sometimes sleep on the couch
where i come back late and fall asleep on the couch with my projector tv open
and when i wake up, i am covered with blanket and pillow.

first...i need money. A huge sum of money. Money is a symbol of success. At least i think that way.

Money to buy the house, and everything else is complete.

Ah yeah, for the last two paragraph in bold.. i'll need a maid.




I have a dream.......- Human Race.