Sunday, March 20, 2011

Tak boleh tidur!

i cant sleep i dont know why. I am proud of my action recently but at the same time i freak out, i am afraid that i couldnt commit. I have to work super hard for whatever reason there is.

Actually it feels kind of nice to have this kind of scare, but comfortable?

The moment i decide, i have every bit of plans in my mind.

The thing i hate the most about me is that, i'm afraid the things i want would not work out, my dream may turn out to be a total nightmare. I want it to stay to be a dream. I realised this when i watched How I Met Your Mother Season 4.

I hate to borrow. Even from my own flesh and blood. I wont have my own say, my power to do whatever i want if i borrow. But now, in this case, i have to borrow again.

Being someone who is in accounting line, i totally understand, and aware that figures in papers, arent always reliable.

I want to live a happy life. Right now i'm happy. Being in a low cost department, i'm more than happy despite the low pay salary.

I'm not happy studying. So fuck'em.

Ever since i was small i love trading. I would do anything that i can to earn money. Give my mum a massage for an hour, i will earn RM10. Cleaning one room in my house, i will earn RM2.
And many other things.

As i grew up, i learn to trade other things. But sadly, nobody ever realise that except for a Malay Language teacher who discover my interest because i talk so much about trading in essay writing.

I've lost it. finally i feel sleepy. But the things in my head...i cant stop i write whatever it is that came across my mind. Those of you who read this post, i am sorry, this post is not well written, a crazy man, mumbling as i see it.

finally i have something else to think off, to worried off, rather than thinking of that someone, that particular dream, trashed and scattered.

Trashed and scattered again, I'm feelin' so low
You waste breath while fuckin' with me, my blood is so cold
My destinations always are unknown, I'll find my way there
but Goddamn Motherfuckers always wasting my time
- Trashed and scattered, Avenged Sevenfold


hansuke said...


can't sleep eh? well, it's normal when u have jumble things to think about, but i tend to realise this post is about frustration towards love somehow. then again, maybe it's just me..:)

but if it is, then only one word my friend, "sabar". love is a funny thing, it comes when u don't aspect it most, u don't need to wait, just keep on with ur daily rutin i suppose, it sure will come. ofcourse there will be dissapointments because we can't always have what we want in life..:)

but then again, being blessed (redha) is always the key that comes into play, it could also be our arsenal, to prepare for any misachievements inlife thinking that there is something else installed for us in the future. and ofcourse there is right? because everything comes from Him afterall.

be patient mok in anything that u do.

all the best..:)

Rizwan Zainal said...


dragonajie said...

dude, i'll be back this weekend and i'll show you a dirty little secret. ;-)

Rizwan Zainal said...

Wokeyh.....x sangka komitmen yg masih belum star telah buat gwa rasa sengsara

hansuke said...

i said "if" bro..:) haha~

Rizwan Zainal said...

but part of it is true la heheheheheh

aku dh zon papa kedana, jom ajar aku men gitar, pastuh busking pasar seni jom ahahhahaahahah