I was down and heartbroken when i saw the pics. Was it because i'm fat or was it because im a total ass?
all my life i have lived believing that being a little bit different from other people around me is ok. I wil put a smile on my face every morning, looking at the mirror, telling myself that im perfect, and enjoy the rest of my day. I am loud. People could hear my voice from a distance.In everything i did, i trIed to stand out and glow, trying to attract attention. I love it when people around me is influenced by my happy mood. I didnt mind people making jokes on me. Jokes on my physical appearance, jokes on my mistakes and even jokes about 'the girl i really like but i couldn get'. In my mind, i was thinking, "yeah right....i may be fat, but i have good looks".
the truth is, i am being a hypocrite. I didnt like myself. I hate the fact that im fat. I laughed everytime they crack jokes on me, but deep down inside it hurts. I may be laughing when they were making fun about 'the girl i want but i couldnt get', but the truth was, i keep blaming myself for being fat. Though they may be other reasons, i still hate it when i have to face the fact that im fat and im being rejected. It sucks.Here,for the first time in my life, i am being honest to the world, to myself, and i hate it.
i personally have tried so many ways to lose weight. Avoiding rice for a month, sign up for gym membership, jogging, and not eating at all. I failed. There was this time when i was working with a gigantic firm with no gym and entertainment, i managed to lose close to 15kg. The cheap firm didnt provide us, the employees with gym. Only corporate membership that looks cheap on paper. After losing the 15kg, i got back that 15kg in less than 3 months. Thanks to the heavy workload,i use food as a getaway for me to distress and have fun.
After the weight gain, i was thinking. "what the heck, we live only once, i might as well eat". True enough, i started to eat like a cow. After every meal, i would have the guilt and would be running to the toilet to throw everything back into the white bowl.
Every month, i would be suffering from ulcer and constant flu. I had no energy. I couldnt sleep at night, and i couldnt wake up early. Having a cup of milo before i sleep is necessary. To make it worse, nasi lemak or roti canai before i sleep, everyday.
At the office, i am no longer competent. i would walk with my tummy tucked in while holding my breath and pretend to be a confident person with sweet tongue.
I f you are reading this, there is a 99 percent chance that you are someone i knew. Maybe you're fat, maybe you're not. If you are, i hope this book will help to inspire you. If you're not, i still hope this book will inspire you. This book is my story. what you will read is the most honest things that i have ever express. i am not yet a success in everything i did until i successfully make you read this book until the end. Whether you are inspired or not, i bet you will.